Nightmares, Insomnia and Loneliness mixed with Love memories....♥

Last night...during the very last minutes of the day, I lied down on my bed as I do every night, in order to get some sleep to forget about all the stress I had the whole day, the room was so dark and calm to the extent that you can feel the winds and the cockroaches whistling outside, It was extremely quiet and silent...

While I put my head on my puffy pillow, I was listening to -as I call her- the Queen of sorrows "Amy lee" singing my favorite 'sad' song ever "Hello", back then, I couldn't close my eyes, I couldn't even blink, they just froze open, although I was feeling K.O...
suddenly, I had lots of my past memories running through my head, picturing the old days when I was in my dark side of me, all the loneliness I lived in, all the hatred I had inside me to this world, I can't believe I got over those bad memories and now they are coming back to me again, but while I was staring at the wall, I realized how lonely and how poor I was, having nobody beside me to talk to, feeling alone again, wasn't this loneliness gone already?? It turned out that I needed somebody to share my feelings with, somebody can hold me when I cry in the middle of the night, I remembered Keith Urban singing "I used to..cry out in the middle of the night..baby hold me tight" I felt how it is important to have a partner who can erase all your problems with one whisper, one hug...

Lonely again, Amy lee begging "I am your mind giving you someone to talk to, Hello!!" but, nobody is listening!
I felt one teardrop was coming down, Amy lee again "Don't cry" I put myself together, but it was no way do defeat that pain, it was way much stronger than I can fight, It was like fighting myself...a mirror of me....

Why is this happening now?? I thought I was done with the all stupid memories of loneliness, and here they come again!! It was obviously understandable that they just came back to remind me to look up for my partner or as some people call it "soul mate", my real future partner, but this always was and still the hardest mission to do....

I believe there is a term called "Real Love" in this world, It's just hard or even impossible to find you "my love", I don't know if you hear me sometimes when I scream or if you can read my words, but I'm quite sure your heart can feel mine from a far distance, I'm writing down my memories this time, no more keeping it inside my heart, my heart is giving up from carrying them inside all the time, I've decided to let them out, to let my heart to relax after all of these years, after all the memories that passed by it, It's no longer the box of secrets and pains....

I still believe I'm going to meet you one day though, after years or centuries, It's already a long time passed..I know, still never met the right person that I can talk to deeply, so I assumed that I haven't met you yet, I promise I'll keep looking for you till you are here, even if it costs me my life, I believe you are looking for me likewise....

It's just a game honey, a tough game that the two of us are supposed to play, It's a huge maze, full of traps and monsters, just survive, we will meet somewhere, we just can't reach to each other now, we may get very close to each other, but the wall of the maze is always standing between us, can you feel it?? this is how I feel, how do you feel now?? don't give up because this game is never OVER!!